If you have been following me on Tumblr, you’ve more then likely seen this name numerous times. He was my first love, my best friend, the biggest impact on my life.
ON October 16th, 2010 he passed away, and I didn’t find out till his birthday, December 10th. Everyday I will write to him, hoping he knows how much I truely miss him.
Brandon, We started dating on October 22nd, 2008. You lived in San Antiono and I lived in Justin, tx. No matter the distance, we loved each other. You were the first guy I had ever loved, and the first guy I’d ever trusted myself with. I spent every night on the phone with you, and we talked as if we were together every day. I met you on April, 20th 2009. I remember sitting in your car, looking at you and kissing you for the first time. We cried together, and ‘Green Eyes’ by Coldplay was playing, and that became our song. Spending that night with you was so amazing, you had driven 4 hours just to tell me you loved me and to prove that you were by my side. We had broken up due to me not being completely honest with you after that, but we were still close, we still were together. The last time I saw you was November 28th, 2009. I remember you walking towards me and me running and jumping on you, and the first thing you said to me was “I love you.” I remember when I kissed you I was shaking so bad because I’d missed you so much, I was happy to finally have you back even though I’d never really lost you. Saying goodbye the next morning was so hard. I remember telling you I was going to go down there for you birthday, but when your birthday came and I called you, you’d broken up with me because you just didn’t you were still in love with me, I was devestated, my whole world shattered. Christmas day, I texted you and found out you’d found a new girlfriend and after that I left you alone. On St. Patricks day I had a feeling as if I needed to call you, so I did. You’d told me that you had been doing heroin, and coke and a bunch of other drugs, and it killed me. I still loved you more then anyone in this world, so of course it hurt to know you were hurting youself. On April 18th 2010, I started dating my best friend Mike, and 2 weeks later I got a text from you. You were telling me how much you loved me, and how in love with me you were and you didn’t want to leave me but you did to keep me from the drugs. You wanted to come see me and say sorry and take me back, but then I told you I was with Mike and all you said to me was “I really hopes he makes you happier then I ever did, you deserve the world Karah and I’m sorry I could never give it to you.” I told you, I wanted to try things out with Mike first and if you’re all I ever think about then I know he’s not the one. I still thought about you all the time, but I just liked having someone there with me everyday rather then someone 4 hours away. We remained friends all through my realtionship with mike. When Mike and I were going through troubles and we were on a break, I called you. Everytime I had something going on or I was sad I called you, on October 9th 2010. You told me all you wanted out of life was for me to be happy, whether that meant me being with Mike or you. You told me if I wanted you to come see me, tell me right then and you’d come, but I declined because I didn’t want Mike to hate me because we both knew he didn’t like that we were still even in contact, but thinking now I should have taken the offer. I texted you for a few days after then then one day you stopped. I called you on the night of October 16th, at 2 in the morning, and I think it was because you were a part of me, and when you passed and the part of me that was you passed away too. After that, I called you everynight but your phone was off, I called you every night in hope your phone would be back on. ON December 10th, 2010, your birthday, I googled your name, trying to find you and that’s when I saw that you had passed away on the night of the 16th. I got in contact with your Cousin Matthews girlfriend, she told me you had passed from an accidental overdose and told me where you were buried. I spent all yesterday crying and thinking of you. Before I went to bed, I looked at your picture and talked to you. When I shut my eyes I felt your arms around me, I felt you with me.
I know that I will never get the love of my life back, and no one will ever know how strong we were as a pair and how much we loved one another, but we know. I hear your voice in my head, i used to talk to you every night before I went to bed, and I will continue to do so, just without a reply from you. I will live for you because the last thing you wanted was for me to be happy, and I owe that to you, because you made me that happiest person I could be. We always told each other we would get married one day, but now that’s not possible. I know you believed in god and I didn’t but I hope you were right, just like you always were and that there IS a heaven and that you’re there looking down on me, and waiting more me. I love you Brandon Scott McKaskle, see you next weekend<3 I’m going down there to your grave next weekend, so I can still spend my birthday with you and say goodbye, for now.
October 22nd 2008- December 10th 2009
December 10th 1990- October 16th 2010, you lived a good life.
You were my forever<3
