latterman:

I will write about the following, anonymously leave one in my ask box  

• Dear person I hate,
• Dear person I like,
• Dear ex bestfriend, 
• Dear bestfriend,
• Dear mom,
• Dear dad,
• Dear Santa,
• Dear future me,
• Dear person I’m jealous of
• Dear person I had a crush on.

pleaes please pleassssse thx

Give me something to write about

Not too sure how hyped I am knowing I’m going to be working with kids.
They’re like loud, little midgets that pick their nose and eat glue.

I’m going to teach these kids the Jedi way, so at least I’ll have SOME fun on the job.

I get sick every time I eat.
I hate this, I WANT FOOD.

My BIG day is coming up in less then 2 weeks. And by BIG day I mean, graduation. The day you step across the stage into an invisible wall that crosses you over to adult hood.

Tonight as I was writing out invitations, I noticed my mom wanted me to invite my stepdads mother.
I instantly thought “If Patty comes, she’s going to bring Jim, her fiancé.”

Jim, grandpa Jim was my favorite person ever when I was a child. I was so innocent, so oblivious. He touched me in ways that’s I still cringe at the thought of.
One day when I had a bunch of family at my house I started crying and told my mom that I don’t wanna see grandpa Jim anymore, and she was shocked to hear such a thing coming from a little girl who loved her grandpa.
I told her what he did, the things he would say to me, and shows her where he would touch me.
They didn’t believe me, no one did.

Ever since then, when I see him I instantly get sick to my stomach and I feel like I’m being suffocated.

I don’t want to see the root of all my problems in the crowd on one of the biggest days of my life.
All the things I hate about myself, are because of him. I don’t want to “face my fear” on a day that already scares the living shit out of me.

So I ask again, what’s a girl to do?

She makes me so happy.
I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not when I’m with her and I certainly don’t feel uncomfortable when I’m with her.
I love laying in bed with her, tracing my hands on her soft skin & giving her goodnight kisses.
I’m in love with the fact that she snuggles with me, something no one else ever did with me before.
Though all the bullshit in my life is weighing me down, she lifts me up. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world when I’m with her. How can anything seem so bad in life when you have the person you’ve always wanted simply just holding your hand?

I’m also trying so hard not to have this mindset of “She doesn’t really like me.” or “If she REALLY wanted to be with me, we’d be together by now.”
It’s thinking like this that ends with me single.

I DON’T want to ruin this. I want her, and only her. I only hope that I make her 1/100 as happy as she makes me.
I’ve missed these sappy butterflies not just in my tummy, but my whole body.

Oh & Good night/morning texts are something I sure missed.

I used tumblr years ago, then it kinda turned into a journal for me whenever I was thinking about Brandon and needed to type it all out.

Now that I actually want to use it again, I’m thinking a new one.
New chapter in my life why not a new Tumblr too.

I shall work on this.

Too damn perfect.

My Nena, my grandma, my guardian angel.
I can’t imagine life without her.

Fuck cancer.

Taken with my iPhone.

Today is good.

Fantasy

I ask for you to visit me in my dreams, but when you do and I wake up, it’s like you died all over again and it hurts just as much. I am so incredibly happy when you visit me.
Last night, you came and surprised me. We took a walk, I showed you off to everyone saying, “see? I told you he wasn’t dead, he’s mine forever now.” but the minute I woke up, I was crushed.
I only want to be with you.

I love you

3 years ago, around this time, was when you came into my life. This weather reminds me of when I would lay outside and talk to you for hours just getting to know each other, telling our life stories and most importantly, falling in love.
This time 2 years ago, we were putting our relationship back together. I was going absolutely crazy without you and I was doing things I regret. We fought, we cried and we loved each other.
This time last year, you came back into my life. We were working towards getting back together, and staying together for good. We talked about getting married, moving together and being happy once and for all.
This time now, I’m reminiscing about our relationship, and grieving your death. I’m dreaming of you, living for you, missing you, loving you.

Its crazy how much things change.
I don’t want to let you go. id rather be alone forever then fall in love with someone else. You have my heart.

It still hurts as much as it did when I found out you’d passed away.

/: I Miss you bubby